Resources

Supporting Children in Grief: Middles and Tweens

How to support children 9 to 12 years of age who are grieving.

We hear a lot from folks about how they don’t know what to say or do for kids and teens when someone has died. Many folks are also unsure if a child is grieving “right.” Check out the tips below that can help you gain a better understanding of what grief looks like for children 9 to 12 years of age, what you can say to them to help, and how their grief looks different than an adult’s.

Common Grief Reactions

This may be a more socially sensitive time
The youth may need to understand their new identity without the person who died
Their desire for more independence and control will be reflected in their grief
Isolation may be a grief reaction at this age
A fantasy that one could be with the person who died again is a common and normal grief reaction that does not necessarily mean your child wishes to die
This age group will be impacted by their grieving caregivers; this is ok

Appropriate ways to speak with your child

Name whatever emotions they’re having without judgment
Behavior IS communication for you and your child
Use clear and simple language
It’s okay if you don’t always have the answer
HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

Activities

Honest discussion of feelings/journaling feelings
Plan together ways to honor the memory of their loved one
Create a memory box/book/poster
Write a letter to the person who died
Celebrate their loved one by eating a food that they liked, listening to music that they enjoyed, or doing an activity they liked, together

Things to Remember

Children’s grief is based on one’s culture, religion, and race
Maintain a level of curiosity with your child’s experience in grief
There are no set stages; grief doesn’t happen in any special order
Grief and grieving changes over time
Reach out to a professional if you or your child needs support

Share Our Guide

Get the guide on understanding of what grief looks like, what you can say to a child to help, and how a child’s grief looks different than an adult’s.

Download the Guide (PDF)

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